compadres

Photo by James Sutton on Unsplash edited

in the darkness of the night
just your voice communing with my ear
erudite monologues
filling my late evening hours.
nightly rendezvous over the phone
a respite from quiet tears and
thoughts of no consequence.
i was being indulgent of myself
in my aloneness and kind to you in yours

the loneliness of the day is different
from that of the night.
the alert hours of the day need
compassion, smiles, kind words,
meeting of eyes, the meeting of minds,
and the dreaded - responsibility.

daylight and soberness
made you shy, afraid, remote and rude.
fighting your need for this person who didn't fit the mould,
you could acknowledge only after downing a few.
and then you said you love me.

i don't doubt you did
it is a love (lonliness) that hits you
when there is an imminent danger of losing
what you have been receiving.
not a love that needs to give.
i was your compassionate compadre.
i couldn't let you confuse the two.

That and I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

© 2019 Padmavani Karkera