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| Smoldering Fires by Clarence Holbrook Carter |
smile precious
remind me
of your hair free
your green sundress
the scent of cinnamon
between your breasts
smile precious
tell me like
you did last year
we will last an eternity
this time
let me see your eyes
smile precious
you are only leaving
to visit your mama
who writes on
scented stationary
about your folly in choosing me
smile precious
smile precious
tickle the little one
you are leaving
this wretched town
tell me
its the town
not me
not me
© 2011 Padmavani Karkera
This image was posted by Tess Kincaid on http://magpietales.blogspot.com/ as her picture prompt (Mag 64). I have submitted this poem to http://onestoppoetry.com/ for their One Shot Poetry Wednesday.
"tell me
ReplyDeleteits the town not me"
Heartbreak in your final lines. Nice visuals, color, and scent details in the opening. Emotionally charged poem.
I love your take on the poem Padmavani. You chose to free this woman. I focused on bounds. Inspiring to read your poem. Differences are always so rich. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteA very beautiful take on the prompt!
ReplyDeleteIt is the town not "she".. :)
Many Hugs xox
that is a powerful, poignant response to the prompt, thank you
ReplyDeleteHow unique your response to the prompt, like a mantra, like an onion unpeeling, the beginning of a liberation. Beautiful...
ReplyDeleteha, i like the end...and i hope it is the town...for your sake...smiles.
ReplyDeleteYour interpretation of the photo is unique ... I enjoyed this!!
ReplyDeleteI love the end Padmavani. Very very emotional, tugging, piognant.
ReplyDeleteLovely emotional poem filled with the angst of a man who is disliked by his mother-in-law, the same woman his wife is leaving to visit. His fear and insecurity are palpable, culminating in the last phrase: tell me it's the town not me. Beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fabulous poem. I really like what you have captured here... the knowing of loss, the doubt of a return... the uncertainty of whether or not it is really the person speaking or the life around them.
ReplyDeleteLyrical and lovely. This one must be set to music!
ReplyDeleteLovely write! I like the end too - hope it is the town.
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
Thank you all so much for writing! Feels so good :)
ReplyDeleteCheers
Padmavani
Wonderful work.
ReplyDeletegreat closure! Loved it. Fine piece
ReplyDeleteLuke @ WordSalad
Hello Steve, hello Luke, Thank you for dropping by and letting me know. Cheers!
ReplyDelete